


On Death

by Ugotaurus



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Gen, I Tried, Musings on death I guess, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 13:04:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11358096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ugotaurus/pseuds/Ugotaurus
Summary: Men become wise with age.Nico di Angelo is no exception.





	1. Why would you do this to yourself?

**I Why would you do this to yourself?**

_There is no escaping death._

He is sad.

So very sad.

Because the day has come.

The day to remember.

To mourn.

 

He didn’t want to stay at camp.

Where the sympathetic smiles and well-meant words smother him.

Where everybody knows him, likes him, wants him to be happy.

They don’t understand.

 

Today isn’t a day to be happy.

To sit around a campfire and laugh.

To tell stories and remember the good times.

Today is a day to be sad.

 

Even though it crushes him.

Again, every year.

He must remember.

He owes it to her and everyone else.

Because the good times can always be remembered.

Should always be remembered.

But the fact there never again would be such times.

Not with them at least.

Cannot be forgotten.

So, he remembers they are gone.

Even though it shatters him.

 

To him sadness is isn’t bad.

It is a part of him.

Just as much as happiness and love are.

And he had learnt a long time ago to accept himself.

Down to every last part.

So today he drowns in it.

Today he accepts it.

The sadness that drives men insane.

That leaves nothing in its wake.

That had swallowed him whole when he was young.

He allows the grief to take him.

But only for today.

 

The souls in Asphodel do the same.

They are mere shadows of what they once were.

They float around with nowhere to go.

Drowning in regret.

Because they never amounted to anything.

Drowning in anger.

Because it isn’t fair.

Drowning in sadness.

Because they can do absolutely nothing.

And it isn’t fair.

He knows it isn’t.

But there are only second chances for those who are exceptional.

And not everybody can be exceptional.

So, they do nothing.

For the rest of time.

 

He could do that.

He would do that.

It’s certainly easier.

But he doesn’t

Because he owes them.

The same way he owes them to remember they are gone.

He owes them to live.

He doesn’t know why.

He doesn’t know how.

But he does.

Because everyone follows the wishes of the dead.


	2. Why wouldn't he love you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If one lives forever.
> 
> One doesn't live at all.

**II Why wouldn’t he love you?**

 

_There is no love in death._

 

It isn’t real.

Nico knows it.

Hades knows it.

It’s just something that’s expected of him.

Something he is supposed to do.

To love his only son.

The one who makes him so proud.

 

His son.

Who had been through so much.

Who had grown.

Who had risen above all others.

Who loved so fiercely.

Who did what he couldn’t.

The one who became his own man.

 

He’s supposed to love him for it.

But he doesn’t.

Because love is not something that can be forced.

No matter how bad it’s wanted.

It’s needed.

It’s just not in his nature to love.

And his son it the one who pays the price.

 

And Nico understands.

Nico knows.

Nico doesn’t mind.

Because that’s how great his son has become.

The one that faced his demons.

Faced his father’s demons.

And came out victorious.

The one that is infinitely better.

Infinitely braver.

Than all mortals that surround him.

Above all that, Nico understands.

 

One first needs to live.

To learn how to love.

Death cannot live.

Therefore death cannot love.


	3. What's it like?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a man so close to death.
> 
> It was surprising he never gave up on living.

**III What’s it like?**

_There is no glory in death._

 

In death, there is nothing.

No honour.

No shame.

No good.

No bad.

Just nothing.

Death is emptier than life could ever be.

For things that become eternal, lose their worth.

Worth is in the absence of time.

How could one love something?

If it will always be there.

Never changing.

 

In the Fields of Punishment.

Where screams echo.

Where minds break.

Where the worst reside.

With the absence of an end.

There is only suffering.

And when there is only suffering.

Suffering is nothing.

Here the dammed experience eternal nothingness.

And it’s the worst punishment of all.

 

 

In the Fields of Asphodel.

Where silence reigns.

And the people stay.

All life leaves, in the face of eternity.

There is nothing to hold on to.

Nothing to chase.

So, mortals give up.

They stop seeing.

They stop feeling.

And most off all.

They stop remembering.

And what is a mortal, without memories?

 

In Elysium.

Where the brave go.

Where all heroes meet again.

Everybody leaves eventually.

Because in de absence of sadness.

Happiness means nothing.

And in the face of something better.

No mortal can be satisfied.

So, everyone forgets.

And starts anew.

 

In death, everyone falls.

Because without an end.

There is no living.

Only existing.

 

 

Nico knows this.

He has seen it countless of times.

At one point, all ghosts think.

“And now what?”

 

Nico doesn’t have the heart to tell them no one lives on the Isles of the Blest.

Hercules holds the record at eight lives and counting.

 

 


	4. Why are you happy anyway?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had sunken low.
> 
> And found out it was the only way to see the truth.

**IV Why are you happy anyway?**

_There is no harm in living._

In the face of death.

A life means nothing.

But for a mortal.

Those eighty years are everything.

 

Nico knows death.

Fought death.

And came back to tell about it.

The ever-looming wall.

Inescapable.

Oppressing.

And forever driving people towards greatness.

Motivating as only the truly unknown can.

Death is not good.

Just as it isn’t bad.

Death is nothing and everything.

It is horrible, terrifying and inevitable.

But he learned.

Without death, life means nothing.

 

All the children listen.

They always do.

The Great Nico di Angelo.

Son of Hades.

King of Ghosts

Spokesman for the dead.

Last of the seven.

When he tells them:

 

“Understanding doesn’t mean accepting.

Doesn’t mean complying.

Understanding means knowing what to fight.

Knowing what to be grateful for.

And most of all understanding makes life.

If not death.

Worthwhile.”

 

 


	5. Why did you wait?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end, he welcomed death.
> 
> But he would never regret living.

**V Why did you wait?**

_There is no fun in going alone._

 

He is on his deathbed.

His hand.

Wrinkly.

Gigantic.

Dwarfing the tiny hand it’s holding.

His daughter.

His pride and joy.

Given to him by the father who was never enough.

Until now.

She is perfect.

And his to remember.

For all of eternity.

 

He watches her.

A silent breath leaves her lips.

And for the first time in forever.

Wishes the end would wait.

Just for a little while.

He supposes that’s when death comes.

When it is unwanted.

His father had always been a bastard.

It’s no surprise death is too.

 

_“Vita mia”_

To show how important she is to him.

How poetic they would also be his last words.

_“Ti voglio bene”_

His daughter knows.

Understands.

Why he leaves her.

Why his time has come.

And he can’t be more grateful.

At one-hundred-eighty-two Nico di Angelo releases his final breath.

Finally able.

To let go.

 

He wakes up to sea green eyes and loving arms.

All the friends he so dearly missed.

So desperately needed.

The years he survived them.

The years between the last death.

And his daughter’s arrival.

When life was nowhere on his mind.

And all that was left of him was an empty shell.

When he finally found out the true meaning of death.

And was rewarded.

 

His friends waited for him.

All this time.

Jason was the first to go.

At twenty-five.

Hazel was the last.

Ninety-seven years ago.

Together they jump in.

And start anew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apollogies if the Italian is wrong, google told me it was okay, but I'm not sure.


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